The first week of the Great Los Angeles Experiment has begun. What happens when you take a native New York City comedian with X-Treme East Coast Grouchitude and place him in beautiful sunny Southern California where the weather is consistently perfect, and everyone, and I mean everyone and their mothers has at least one foot on the business of show? So far my pleasure receptors have been opening like the petals of a lower in this constant, unending sunlight and pleasant weather. Which would be fine, except as a New York City native, I consider it my birthright to end my unceasing complaints about the weather only in the two weeks at the end of September and the beginning of June when we get a break from the punishing heat or cutting cold. It’s genuinely disconcerting, a week into October, to have my only complaint be, “It got a little chilly last night and I had to close the window.”
But fear not, Constant Reader, for I am in Los Angeles, City of Endless Quality of Life Concerns.
A TRUE STORY THAT HAPPENED ON THE LIGHT RAIL OUT TO SANTA MONICA
There’s a light rail that runs from Downtown LA to Downtown Santa Monica. If you don’t drive, like myself, it cuts the trip from three hours to a little over one. Los Angeles is slowly making steps to make this a pedestrian-friendly town. For instance, did you know that if you hit a cyclist with your car, you now have to pay a fine of up to seventy-five dollars?
A week ago, I was sitting on the light rail, newly a resident, watching the city go past the window, wondering if I’d made the right decision to come out here, when a woman in the seat behind me started this conversation which I’m reporting word-for-word:
WOMAN: Excuse me, but, do I know you?
ME: (thinking): It’s happening! I came out to LA, and it turns out I have fans and everything’s going to be alright.
ME (out loud): I’m not sure.
WOMAN: You look like a guy… do you know someone named Jerry?
WOMAN: You look just like his friend.
ME: I know, I look like a lot of people’s friends.
WOMAN: Sorry to bother you.
It’s like no business I know!