Posts By Liam
0 LIAM’S COMEDY RESUMÉ (2019)
0 Greetings from sunny Los Angeles, California
The first week of the Great Los Angeles Experiment has begun. What happens when you take a native New York City comedian with X-Treme East Coast Grouchitude and place him in beautiful sunny Southern California where the weather is consistently perfect, and everyone, and I mean everyone and their mothers has at least one foot on the business of show? So far my pleasure receptors have been opening like the petals of a lower in this constant, unending sunlight and pleasant weather. Which would be fine, except as a New York City native, I consider it my birthright to end my unceasing complaints about the weather only in the two weeks at the end of September and the beginning of June when we get a break from the punishing heat or cutting cold. It’s genuinely disconcerting, a week into October, to have my only complaint be, “It got a little chilly last night and I had to close the window.”
But fear not, Constant Reader, for I am in Los Angeles, City of Endless Quality of Life Concerns.
A TRUE STORY THAT HAPPENED ON THE LIGHT RAIL OUT TO SANTA MONICA
There’s a light rail that runs from Downtown LA to Downtown Santa Monica. If you don’t drive, like myself, it cuts the trip from three hours to a little over one. Los Angeles is slowly making steps to make this a pedestrian-friendly town. For instance, did you know that if you hit a cyclist with your car, you now have to pay a fine of up to seventy-five dollars?
A week ago, I was sitting on the light rail, newly a resident, watching the city go past the window, wondering if I’d made the right decision to come out here, when a woman in the seat behind me started this conversation which I’m reporting word-for-word:
WOMAN: Excuse me, but, do I know you?
ME: (thinking): It’s happening! I came out to LA, and it turns out I have fans and everything’s going to be alright.
ME (out loud): I’m not sure.
WOMAN: You look like a guy… do you know someone named Jerry?
ME: No.
WOMAN: You look just like his friend.
ME: I know, I look like a lot of people’s friends.
WOMAN: Sorry to bother you.
It’s like no business I know!
0 Headlining a show in Manhattan
Comic Sutra
Under St. Mark’s Theater
94 St. Mark’s Place @ 1st Ave.
10:30pm * $10.00
Liam McEneaney
Justin Sight (magic)
Pandora
Caitlin Cook (music)
Tess Henry
Liz MaGee
0 Headlining a show in Manhattan
Comic Sutra
Under St. Mark’s Theater
94 St. Mark’s Place @ 1st Ave.
10:30pm * $10.00
Liam McEneaney
Justin Sight (magic)
Pandora
Caitlin Cook (music)
Tess Henry
Liz MaGee
0 Guest Judge at Iron Mule Film Festival
at the Nitehawk Cinema House in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. More info at the Iron Mule site.
0 8/17/16 Jokes About The News
A 94 year-old man was among the first in California to commit legal suicide under the care of a doctor under the new End of Life Option Act. The man made his decision after suffering through heart disease, dementia, and a full episode of The View.
The Greenwich, Connecticut, Town Hall changed its hold music to Mozart’s symphonies, as performed by the high school’s string ensembles. Which is all part of the Greenwich city government’s clever plan to never have to speak to anybody on the phone ever again.
The 20th anniversary of JonBenét Ramsey’s tragic murder will be celebrated this year with tasteful, wonderful specials produced by Dr. Phil, Investigation Discovery, and CBS. Continuing a year of fascination with horrible tragedies from the ‘90s, as evidenced by the Emmy-nominated Trial of OJ Simpson miniseries, and Pauly Shore’s upcoming tour with Vanilla Ice.
Investigators announced that a fire that destroyed 43 homes in northern San Francisco was found to have been started at a secret marijuana farm growing over 100 plants. Officials say the blaze caused millions of dollars in property damage, and thousands of dollars in Taco Bell sales.
Marin County, CA, retailers are stocking up on Burning Man clothing to sell to participants. The trick, the retailers say, is to make it cool enough that Burning Man participants want to wear it, but cheap enough that it doesn’t stand out on their parents’ credit card bills.
0 Jokes About The News (From A TV Submission Packet)
The CEO of rideshare app company Lyft admitted the company loses as much as $50 million a month. And out of instinct, every single Lyft driver automatically responded: “I didn’t find it in my car.”
The city of Detroit denied a local company’s request to store metallurgical coke, a by-product of burning coal, near the Detroit River. Which is odd, because if I was looking for dirty coke, the Detroit waterfront is the first place I would look.
The 2016 Emmy Award nominations were announced last week, and the show with the most nominations was American Crime Story: The People Versus OJ Simpson. Which is why it’s no surprise that there’s already a sequel series in the works about the second biggest crime of the ‘90s: (brief montage: MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, Sinbad, all wearing parachute pants, followed by a title: “AMERICAN FASHION CRIME STORY: THE PEOPLE VS. PARACHUTE PANTS”)
The real, actual Kato Kaelin will be at the Emmys this year, and anyone who wants to will get the chance to meet him. You’ll have to pay five, ten bucks. But all you have to do is, on Emmy night, drive down to the Microsoft Theater, turn off Olympic onto Figueroa, right up to a sign that says “Valet Parking,” and just get out and hand him your keys.
NBC, the exclusive network of the 2016 Summer Olympics, stirred up criticism from sports reporters and fans when they announced that they would air the Olympic Opening Ceremonies on a one-hour delay. Proving that even when NBC is the only network airing something, they can still find a way to be in last place.
During Major League Baseball’s All-Star Break, Commissioner Rob Manfred announced that the National League batting title would be named “The Tony Gwynn,” in honor of the late, great Padres’ Hall of Famer. While the American League batting title will be named “The Gold’s Gym Locker Room,” in honor of Yankees’ great Alex Rodriguez and the place where he first bought steroids.
The Shangri-La Ranch in New River, Arizona, hosted the first annual Nude Games. For the most part it went off well, although half a dozen men were hospitalized following the pole vault.
Blink-182 just scored their second-ever number one album a full fifteen years after their first. The band attributes their success partly to working hard and never giving up, but mostly to making music that no one under the age of 40 would steal.
Bernie Sanders was booed by a crowd of his supporters during a speech where he endorsed Hillary Clinton and said that the most important job ahead was beating Donald Trump. When asked, his supporters said they weren’t as upset about his endorsement of Hillary as they were about having to hold a job.
The official roster of speakers for the Republican National Convention in Cleveland was announced, and it includes a variety of religious figures to appeal to a wide range of preference for all different brands of worship. For instance, if you’re Christian, Jerry Falwell, Jr. will be speaking. For the Jews, they booked Rabbi Haskel Lookwell. And for Donald Trump, they’re just going to bring out a full-length mirror.
Rangers in Olympia, Washington’s National Park warned visitors to stay away from the park’s mountain goats because they’re unpredictable, and have nasty tempers and strong powerful bodies that could cause severe physical damage. Which also happens to be advice my dad once gave me about dating strippers.
The Arizona State Supreme Court ruled this week that the mere odor of marijuana is grounds for police to get a search your car for drugs. Other valid grounds include a backseat full of empty Taco Bell wrappers and being Willie Nelson’s tour bus.
0 Liam was on ‘The Jim Gaffigan Show’
0 Working Class Fancy
Liam McEneaney: Comedian, Writer, Producer 